I’m My Biggest Critic. Are You Too?

January 12, 2021By Maria Valencia

Learning to be self-compassionate,
kind and yourself

When shopping for a new swim suit or pair of jeans, have you ever loved the first one you tried on? Did you try on item after item, and hum and haw about which is best, which you think you look best in only to realize it was the first one all along? Did the swim suit change? Or did your perception of yourself change?

More often than not, we say, “this bathing suit looks amazing on me”, instead of saying “ I look amazing in this bathing suit!”

This isn’t a new story, it’s one most of us are familiar with. We worry about what other people will think of us. What we should be paying attention to is what we say and think about ourselves. We have a litany of self-criticism and doubt. From everyday activities to the clothes we wear. “I have a dress in my closet that haunts me. I love it but I don't feel confident in it. I think it's beautiful, but I don't allow myself to feel beautiful IN IT. It's been collecting dust for over five years now,” shares our founder, Maria.

Before starting CaroQuilla, Maria spent 15 years in retail. As a bra fitter for Nordstrom, she had one of her most impactful experiences. She saw that, time and time again, there was always something these women didn't like about themselves, that they focused on small flaws instead of their great beauty. She saw these women at their most vulnerable and grew from being just a bra fitter to someone they could talk to. Maria wanted to help these women and all people discover that they are truly beautiful.

How? Through self-talk and self-compassion.

Have Self-Compassion Through Self-Talk

Self-talk and self-compassion go together. We would never let someone criticize a friend like we criticize ourselves. We would tell our friends who want curves, to be skinnier, different hair, and more that they are beautiful. Why aren’t we telling ourselves that too?

Look in the mirror.

Do you see someone beautiful?

We do.

You don’t have to like everything about yourself. We’re not asking for miracles. We’re asking for compassion, self-compassion. If you start telling yourself that you’re beautiful, pointing out the things that you like about yourself, you’ll start to see a change. You’ll start to love yourself more. You’ll see what we see: that you are amazing.

Practicing self-compassion helped Maria learn how to be kind to herself. “You can work on your compassion like a muscle. Be conscious of it,” says Maria. “Self-compassion and positive self-talk aren’t going to make you feel better overnight. Looking in the mirror you’ll still see the things you want to change, we see the things that make you special, beautiful, you.”

Don’t ignore your apparent flaws, they help make you who you are. Own them. Make them yours. Stretch marks? Cellulite? Rolls? Birthmarks? Rights of passage, signs of change, part of what makes you you. They don’t define you. Practice self-compassion and self-talk and reaffirm what everyone else sees: you, just as you are and how beautiful that is.

Be Yourself

No one said that we have to be perfect. You do not have to be perfect.

Want to exercise more? Diet? Try a new hobby? Go for it, but do it for yourself. Live in harmony with your mind and body by caring for yourself, being yourself.

You are amazing and beautiful because you are you. Make changes because they’ll allow you to continue growing into someone absolutely astounding, someone who is proud of themselves and loves themselves. Remember, any changes you want to make will take time and patience so be compassionate with yourself when you get frustrated. Take a deep breath and keep going. And don’t make changes because someone has put you down and made you feel less-than.

You are more than you think. You are you and there is no one else that can possibly compare.